i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize