That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
