I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
