Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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