He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
