It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
