no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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