i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
