I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
