she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
