Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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