I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
