this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
