i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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