I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize