this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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