Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
