tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
