party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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