I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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