I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
