My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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