didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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