just tell him i said nine months
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize