Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
