Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
