making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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