i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
