Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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