After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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