like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
