My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
