I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
