When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
