you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
