Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
