My liver just broke up with me...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
