Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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