I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is Oprah even human
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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