Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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