Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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