My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
