Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
