i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
