I'm eating all of the evidence.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
