and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
