That's when you crack a 10am beer
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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