How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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