I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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