I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
