Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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