im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
