she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
