I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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