so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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