This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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