Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found puke in my bra..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
