All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
