I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
