I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
