Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
