We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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