Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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