Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
