I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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