You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
