So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
