THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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