I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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