i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
