Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
