so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm both gender and math confused
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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