Soap is not a condiment
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize