You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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