I hate your face
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
