I hate your face
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
