Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
